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My Husband Is The Reason I Look Very Older Than My Age After What He Did To Me- Woman Narrates

I met my SHS mate recently at the market. She said something she thought was a compliment. She said I looked older now though I was the youngest among the squad while in school. I looked at her pretty young face and laughed. When I got home, I looked in the mirror and took a proper look at myself. My eyes had sunk. My hands appeared longer than they should while hanging loosely by my side. My chubby cheeks had sunk. Even when I put my best face on, my face still looked sad and tired. I turned back and looked at my husband. He was lying in bed with a cloth covering his body up to his neck. His eyes were closed but he wasn’t sleeping. I said quietly to myself, “Age is not a number. Age is the trouble we go through.”

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We married quite young. He was twenty-nine and I was twenty-five. I was a new teacher when he found me. He was an engineer, working with one of the mining companies in Ghana. We dated for a year and got married in the church I spent my whole childhood in. We didn’t have rules for the marriage. We lived one day at a time. He was a good man who didn’t make me lack anything. His weakness was his kindness. He came from a poor background. He said, “I’m here today due to the benevolence of the community I was raised in. I was their child and they all contributed to my upbringing.”

So as young as twenty-nine, my husband was the one taking care of his junior sister’s two kids, his senior brother’s two kids, and sending money home monthly to his parents and some other groups in his extended family. He made a lot of money but in the end, it all went into catering for others. I didn’t complain. He was paying back to those he thought he owed.

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We had our first child a year after marriage. A year and a half later, the second one came. The third followed and we put a stop to childbearing. I was a mother of three when I was twenty-nine. And then disaster struck. It was the early morning of November 10th, 2016. I had a call at 6am. The voice said, “Your husband was involved in an accident some hours ago. You need to come around very quickly.” I hadn’t recovered fully from the night’s sleep but immediately I heard what the voice said, my soul jumped and my heart started racing. Thirty-minutes or so later, I was there next to him at the hospital. His eyes were closed and his body was covered in band-aids. I put my hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat. He was breathing feebly.

Three months later, he sat in a wheelchair while I pushed him out of the hospital to the house. The accident divided his being into two; from his feet up to his waist was completely numb. From his waist up was ok. He could move his hands and touch things. He struggled to speak clearly. “For the rest of his life, he’s going to remain like this.” They told me. One evening, my husband left the house to work an able man. Three months later, I brought him home in a wheelchair. Sometimes we wake up in the morning believing our day would end just as we’ve imagined it. Mostly it happens but sometimes, just one day, everything would go wrong and our day would end the worse way possible.

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The man who stood on top of the tree and threw fruits at us is no longer able to climb the tree. All the amount left in his account was used to pay medical bills including the little compensation the company paid him. We had nothing except my meager salary as a teacher. All the people he once cared for disappeared. They saw my call for help and turned their backs on me. At first, they asked, “How’s our husband doing? Or “How’s our son doing?” Now they meet me and ask, “How’s your husband doing?” Because why not? He no longer serves their purpose so he’s all mine

But I swore never to let him down, not even a single day. In the morning, I will bathe him, clothe him, and put him at the side of the bed where he could see the sunrise in the morning. Where he could see the birds fly so he could have some peace in his heart. One of his distant family members lives with us now. She takes over when I leave for school but when I return, he’s all mine to care for. The kids hover around his bed and make noise in his ears. Sometimes I shout at them to stop, but he will say to me slowly, “Allow them. Don’t shout at them.” Maybe what I hear as noise sounds like music in his ears, who knows.

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It’s been over four years of constantly caring for him. We’ve run out of money on several occasions. We’ve run out of food on several occasions. I’ve run out of excuses to give to those I owe but one thing we’ve never run out of is Love. In the night when we offer our last prayers before we sleep, we are well assured that “His banner over us is love” so we would see the new day in one piece.

One of his uncles abr

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oad heard about his story. He didn’t do much about it. In December last year, the uncle called. He spoke to him for a while and spoke to me too for a long while. In the end, he said, “I would send you something every month for his upkeep while I look around and see if there’s something we could do to help.” December he sent us Money. It’s a lot when I compare it to my salary. January too, he sent the same amount again. He’s been good to us. We pray it continues.

When you live in such a situation for over four years, carrying a burden you didn’t see coming, and spending a lot of sleepless nights thinking of the whys and the hows and the whens, you’ll one day look in the mirror and realize time has taken something away from you. Something valuable. You’ll appear older than you should be because you’ve gone through so much. So much than your body can endure in a very short time. Your age is no longer a number but the sum of all the sadness, anguish, sleepless night, hunger, toiling at dawn, putting unwilling children to sleep, etc. You grow more than your age could tell because…because you’ve been through a lot.

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SPEAK LOVE, NOT RIGHTS, IN MARRIAGE

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SPEAK LOVE, NOT RIGHTS, IN MARRIAGE

One of the problems lots of marriages face is communication. The sad thing is, some couples believe communication is all about talking or calling, but it goes beyond that. When it comes to communication, content is key. Your choice of words, tone, statements, and how you say things can either kill or revive the relationship.

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Often, married couples see their marriage as a legal relationship instead of an intimate relationship. As such, instead of expressing love, they end up expressing their rights. They completely forgot that the intimate relationship between a husband and wife is what keeps them together in their marriage, not the legal document they signed. That is why they have to prove to a court that their intimate relationship has been broken beyond reconciliation before a divorce is granted.

To have a happy marriage, one needs to work on their intimate relationship and not on their legal documents of status. Once a spouse or couple forgets this, they start speaking legal language in their marriage instead of the language of intimacy, which is love.

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The legal language refers to the rights, privileges, favors, and benefits that a spouse or couple believes they are legally entitled to in the marriage. So they make demands; they ask with authority, insisting on their own ways, interests, or desires; commanding or ordering their spouse around; telling them what to do; and issuing ultimatums to their spouses.

Such approaches always drive couples apart. Not only does it affect communication in the relationship, but it also further affects the relationship between husband and wife in the marriage.

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The language of intimacy is love, in which couples don’t make demands but rather make requests. In so doing, they are politely asking their spouse for help or things. They appeal to the conscience and the heart of their spouse. They are able to make a plea, apologize for their mistakes, and even pray for their partner.

Instead of saying “carry my bag”, you can say “can you help me with my bag?” or “I would be grateful if you could help me with my bag.” If he or she is doing something you don’t like, you can always make a request of what you want them to do. He or she has not been calling, and that is a worry. Instead of you retaliating by stopping your calls to them, you can say, “Can you please make time to call me? I love to hear your voice; I feel loved when you call.”

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It is not hard to make a relationship work; all it requires is your effort; the same way, it’s not hard to destroy a relationship; all it requires is your withdrawal.

In conclusion, “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” -Proverbs 18:21 (MSG).

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After Three Years With Him, He Told Me He’ll Convince One Of His Friends To Marry Me- Lady Narrates

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After Three Years With Him, He Told Me He’ll Convince One Of His Friends To Marry Me- Lady NarratesIn December 2018, I met Nii on a project I was working on. I was 34 years then. He is ten years older than me. Even though the age gap was wide, I didn’t feel it in our interactions. Our conversations were mostly casual until he proposed to me in January 2019 to Marry Me. I gave it a lot of thought and figured a man his age will be serious when it comes to love and relationships. I told myself, “He is 44. At this age, he won’t be interested in playing games. Let me give him a chance and see how far we can go.”

Before I accepted his proposal, I asked about his intentions and he said, “I love you. Haven’t you noticed how I’m always looking for reasons to talk to you? I want to get to know you and love you the way a queen deserves to be loved.” His words were intense. He said nothing wrong and touched on everything I loved to hear from a man. He sounded genuine, so I agreed to be his girlfriend.

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This man would ask me random questions about the type of wedding I wanted, and I would tell him. It got to a point, it was no longer my wedding plans but our wedding plans. He was always the one who led such conversations about weddings and marriage. Sometimes he would say random things like, “I met this caterer who makes good food at affordable rates. I’m thinking we should hire her for our reception.”

We planned everything in detail. We talked about where we would live after the wedding and even talked about the number of children we would have. We picked names for our unborn children. We built a family in the air hoping one day we could bring it down and live it the way we had carefully planned it. We were both adults with stable finances so I believed it was just a matter of time before our plans come alive.

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One day I woke up feeling out of sorts. I did everything to feel normal again but nothing worked. At first, I thought it was fatigue but the symptoms persisted the more I rested. My mind run over a lot of possibilities until it settled on the most palpable one. I took a test and discovered that I was pregnant. It didn’t scare me. The man responsible was Nii so why should I have fear or confusion?

I told Nii that I was pregnant and the show he put up got me knackered. “This is not the right time to get pregnant Aku. Is that the plan? To get pregnant at this time and bring all our plans to waste? No, we can’t have it. We cannot do anything outside the scope of our plans.” I responded, “I didn’t commit a crime. I’m only pregnant so why are you making it look like I killed someone? It’s life I’m going to bring forth and we are capable. We should be happy.”

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Nii insisted. I even told him I would take care of the child without him but he wouldn’t have any of it. He used emotional blackmail and all sort of tricks to get me to do it. It was heartbreaking. I cried until my eyes turned red but there was nothing I could do. The harm had already been done. That should have been the moment I walk away from the relationship but I stayed. My heart held onto the thought of a better future so I stayed with him.

In all our time together, he never gave me anything. No gifts, no money, no surprises. Not even on my birthdays. He always told me he forgot it was my birthday. On the other hand, I always went out of my way to give him gifts and planned surprises for him on his birthdays. One day he gave me an infection. That’s the only gift I can confidently say he gave me. I treated the infection with my own money. I still stayed with him. And then he told me, “We should try as much as possible to keep the relationship a secret. I don’t like people probing into my issues. I like things to be private, that’s who I am.”

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All the signs were there but I was too wrapped up in love and promises that I failed to see the impending disaster.

In October 2021, I needed financial assistance. I needed help to pay my school fees so I asked Nii for a loan. I told him I would pay it back at the end of the month and he agreed to help. Two weeks later he called to tell me he forgot I asked him for money. Luckily for me, I had asked a friend of mine so I no longer needed his help. That was the last time I asked him for anything.

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He stopped communicating with me the way he used to. I asked if something was wrong and he said no. Something was wrong and I could feel it. In February 2022, I asked him; “Are you dating someone else apart from me?” His answer was, “Yes, I am. Why are you asking me? I thought you knew.” “You’re playing with me, right? We’ve been together for three years Nii, how can you tell me you thought I already knew?” He shrugged as if what he told me was something normal. To make matters worse he said, “You are a good woman so I won’t leave you hanging. I am talking to one of my friends to marry you. He will be a good husband, trust me. Just give me some time to finalize the arrangements with him.”

It didn’t feel real. The insults, the pain, the disrespect, they were too painful to believe they were true but Nii wobbled around as if I was a little girl he met not too long ago. My only response was, “I’m done but you’ll pay for it.”

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I call one of my girlfriends and recounted everything I’d been through to her. She said, “Sis, you should have spat on his face.” Actually, I should have. I don’t know why I stood there and watched him tell me all that without reacting.

A month later he sent me a text telling me he missed me. Whoever gave that audacity to some men ought to answer to humanity. What? Not even an apology. If I told him what was on my mind, he would have burnt the sea but I restrained myself. I said, “I am no longer the woman you took for a fool. Just leave me alone.”

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In April this year, I saw his wedding video on a friend’s WhatsApp status. If I thought I’d healed, that video proved to me that It takes longer to heal than I thought. I was hurt all over again. I watched the video and cursed him for all the pains he brought into my life. May he experience the same pain so he would know how it hurts.

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My Friend Took Me In And Gave Me Life But I Ended Up Entangling With Her Husband- Lady Narrates

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My Friend Took Me In And Gave Me Life But I Ended Up Entangling With Her Husband- Lady Narrates.

I lost my father when I was ten years old. My mother was a seamstress who did not have formal education, but she worked hard to put us through good schools. We are three girls. I am the last born. When I got to the tertiary school, my elder sisters and my mother put resources together to cater for my education.

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In my second year in school, my eldest sister lost her job, so I had to rely on government allowances for my fees and other needs. The money wasn’t enough, but I tried to manage. Sometimes I got overwhelmed with school work and the responsibility of taking care of myself. On a day when everything seems wrong, I will walk to the beach closer to my school with music in my ears and reflect on my life.

One day at the beach, two little kids came playing around me. “Who came with these kids that she had allowed them to roam freely like that?” I looked left and looked right. I looked behind me and saw a lady standing a few meters away from me. She raised her hand, signalling that she was with them. She was on her phone, so I kept the kids busy and safe, so they don’t run into the raging waves. After a while, she came over to the children and introduced herself. She said, “If you’re leaving any time soon, I don’t mind dropping you where you’re going.” I told her, “Don’t worry. My school is just across the beach, so I will be fine.”

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She thanked me, took my number, and left with her kids. A couple of days later she called me; “Hi Doreen, I just want to thank you once again for watching over my kids at the beach.” I didn’t think it was necessary but I welcomed it. We started talking after that. I told her about my family and she also told me about her life.

In my final year in school, this woman paid my school fees and sent me money on a regular basis. Her kindness surprised me. Sometimes I ask God; “What did I do to deserve this angel?” Our bond was like that of sisters. Occasionally she will invite me to her home. I will cook and stock their fridge with food, play with her kids and help them with their homework while she goes out with her husband. Sometimes, I spent the weekends at her end and returned to school on Sundays.

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I was posted to the Eastern Region when national service postings were released. She was the first person I called to inform. The day after I shared the news with her she called me. She was like, “Doreen, I want to ask you for a big favor. Please don’t feel bad if you can’t do it but I hope you can.” In my mind, I was like, “What can’t I do for you? Just name it.” She said, “Can you request for reposting? I want you to stay here. I would be traveling to the UK for two years. I would like you to move in here and help my husband with the kids.”

I didn’t think twice about it. I said, “Yeah I can do that for you.” Getting a reposting wasn’t easy but she pulled the strings and paid some people to make it happen for me. I moved into her place a month before she finally left for the UK. I was allowed to use her car to carry the kids to school and from school. My daily task was to feed them, help with their homework, and then prepare food for her husband. If I had to work a night shift, I informed her husband to get home early.

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Every evening, she would call the family on a video call. After talking to me and the kids, she will go like, “Let me talk to Chris before he goes to bed.” Her Husband is Chris but I called him Daddy. He was such a gentleman until he came into my room uninvited one night. This was a man who had never touched my hands before. The familiarity and friendship I had with his wife did not extend to him. I regarded him with a lot of respect so I was uncomfortable when he showed up in my room that night.

He sat beside me on the bed and said, “Please forgive my intrusion. I don’t know how to put this but I will try my best.” My heart was racing in my chest. My discomfort heightened when he placed his hand on my lap; “My wife is going to be away for some time and I need a physical companion. You are already like a mother to my kids. It shouldn’t be hard for you to be my mistress. I will give you anything you want if you say yes.”

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For several minutes I sat there in silence. When I finally spoke, I said, “Daddy, please your wife has been very good to me so I don’t think I can pay her back like this. Get someone from outside and I will keep it a secret. That’s the best I can do.” He declined. He realized I was trembling so he took his hand off me and started leaving. He said, “Think about it. I’ll give you time.”

I cried my eyes out. I prayed and asked God to turn his heart away from me. On Monday he sent me a text, “I will like to have a word with you this evening when the kids go to bed.”

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My hands shook the entire day. I was so anxious that I started making some silly mistakes throughout my shift. When the kids went to bed that night, I went to knock on his door. He said, “Let’s go to your room.” While in my room he brought up the topic again. I repeated my answer. This time, he knelt down and pleaded with me. I said no. I walked up and down in the room and he followed me around. Eventually, I said yes to him.

I was a 25-year-old virgin when I said yes to him. I lost my virginity before he left the room. He came to my room almost every night after the first incident. Sometimes, he spent the night with me. Sometimes he went back to his room to make video calls with his wife.

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One day, my friend called and said, “I hope you are taking good care of Chris. Please don’t make him lack anything. Give him whatever he needs,” and then she laughed. That was the first time she was using that phrase; “Please don’t make him lack anything…” Each time she called, she kept repeating and emphasizing the phrase, “Don’t make him lack anything.” I started getting the impression that she knew I was sleeping with her husband. The guilt I used to feel faded. I came to terms with the fact that I was a temporary wife.

My life came to revolve around Chris, his kids, and my work. I had men shooting their shots but I didn’t have room for anyone else.

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Two years later, my friend didn’t return as planned. Instead, the rest of the family traveled to join her over there. I cried when they left. That was when I realized I was deeply in love with Chris. It broke my heart to see him go. When he was leaving, he gifted me his wife’s car and a lot of money but it wasn’t enough to comfort me.

To date, his wife continues to send me money but my life hasn’t been the same. It’s been a year but I still think of him. If he asked me to be his second wife, I would have agreed.

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Currently, I have a boyfriend who loves me so much but I can’t even enjoy intimacy with him unless I think about Chris. He complains I’m too possessive. I get overly jealous when I see him with another lady. I go through his phone at the slightest chance. I wish to open up about my past with my friend’s husband but I’m afraid I would be judged wrongly. I want a life for myself without thinking about him. I want to stop being possessive over my boyfriend but it has become my second nature. I can’t stop it.

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